Let me just say this upfront: my ADHD makes me hyperfixate on people in a way that’s not cute or charming (trust me, I wish it came with an off switch). It’s borderline obsessive, and it takes over without asking permission.

When I fixate on someone, a friend, a new acquaintance, whoever, I get all in. I want to know everything about them. I’m texting far too much (like, probably annoying levels), analysing every word they say like it’s some kind of secret code, replaying conversations in my head until I’m drained. It’s like my brain’s stuck on repeat, and it’s exhausting as hell.

I don’t mean to smother people. Honestly, I don’t. But the intensity is involuntary. It’s like my brain suddenly decides, “This person is important. Obsess mode activated” (yes, that’s exactly how it feels).

Here’s the thing though (and no one really tells you this), hyperfixation is a double-edged sword. Sure, it feels amazing to have someone captivate your entire attention (like the universe shrunk down to just you and them), but it also creates serious tension.

I’ve watched friendships strain (and sometimes snap) because I can’t dial it back. People get overwhelmed by my constant messages, my deep-dive questions, my eagerness to know every little thing about them. And when they pull away, even just a bit, it crushes me.

This hyperfixation messes with my mental health too. Anxiety ramps up like a runaway train (and no, I don’t mean the kind you enjoy riding). I obsess over whether I’m too much or not enough, if I’m annoying them, if they’re slowly backing away. And the more I worry, the more I hyperfixate. It’s a vicious cycle until I’m a knot of stress and exhaustion.

On top of all that, I mask like a pro (and I’m talking Olympic-level masking here). I feel like I can never truly be myself because, well, I’m “crazy” (not my words, but the feeling is real). It’s all just too much, the obsession, the anxiety, the self-editing.

But even with all that (and believe me, I try really hard to keep it together), I cannot stop myself messaging certain people. It feels almost like an addiction. Like my brain is hooked, and no matter how much I want to pump the brakes, I can’t.

So here’s a disclaimer: I don’t follow my own advice. I’m still learning, failing, trying again. I don’t have it all figured out, and if you expect me to, you’re barking up the wrong tree.

If you’re reading this and you hyperfixate on people too, or you know someone who does, know that you’re not alone. It’s messy, it’s exhausting, and it’s complicated. But it’s also part of how we experience connection (in our own intense, overwhelming way).

Acknowledging it (even if it’s uncomfortable) is the first step. And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough for now.