Last week, something happened that left me reeling, and I want to talk about it here, because I know I can’t be the only one who goes through this. For those who follow my Instagram, I referenced it there. Essentially, there was an incident at work. I won’t go into the details, because that part doesn’t really matter, not in the grand scheme of things. What matters is what happened after.

Those who know me well will be aware that sometimes I have been known to have the odd (relatively frequent), emotional outbursts. Big ones. The kind that leave you in a shame cycle, ashamed, and googling “how to be less dramatic” at 2am. But this wasn’t one of those times. I didn’t scream, I didn’t throw anything, I didn’t see red. I just could not cope. I quietly left the room, found a private space, and cried. A lot. I didn’t want to make a scene. I just needed a moment to feel it, process it, and breathe.

Despite this, afterwards, the guilt hit me like a freight train.

I felt like I’d failed. I felt unprofessional, unstable, like I’d just set fire to my (new) career with one moment. I was mortified. I kept replaying it in my head, over and over. What did they think of me? Did I ruin everything? Will I be judged for this forever? That spiral is so hard to escape once it starts.

It’s taken me years to discover that my emotional intensity is not a result of me being completely unhinged and crazy. Though I definitely am. It is instead a part of how my ADHD presents itself. For me, it’s not just about being distracted or hyperactive. It’s about feeling things so deeply, and sometimes those feelings come on fast and hard, before I’ve had a chance to even register them properly.

I am slowly learning that removing yourself from a situation to regulate your emotions is not weakness. That’s 33 years and counting on learning that lesson. Despite what you may be telling yourself, crying does not make you unprofessional. Taking a moment to breathe is not the same as breaking down. Though in my case it certainly felt the same. We have been conditioned to think that emotional expression, especially in the workplace, is shameful or immature, but why? Since when did being human become something to apologise for?

As I said I am 33, I am still figuring this stuff out. Figuring me out. There are days when I feel like I’ve got a handle on it, and days when I feel like I’m back at square one. I am trying to meet myself with compassion instead of criticism. I didn’t lash out. I didn’t make it someone else’s problem. I recognised that I was overwhelmed and took steps to deal with it in the safest way I could.

That is growth.

So if you’ve ever had a moment where you needed to step away, to cry, to feel, to breathe, I see you. You are not a failure. You are not too much. You are doing your best with a brain that works a bit differently. And that’s more than enough.

Have you ever done the same? How do you avoid emotional overwhelm at work? Let me know in the comments!

Thank you for being here!