I had therapy recently relating to something that happened to me when I was younger and unfortunately that has brought a lot of things I had repressed to the surface.  I have to start a different type of therapy following a break to “sit in the space of being a victim”.

I’ve been having a bit of a shit week to be honest, and I definitely struggle a lot more with flashbacks and just feeling weird about it all when I’m having a bad week.

Recently every small van I seen has made me want to throw up, and when you’re all ready in prolonged fight or flight this is not ideal!

I’m not ready to discuss the trauma in detail on here, I don’t know whether I ever will. It took me over 10 years to accept that it actually happened to me, and another 4 to get help.  But it has got me thinking about how many areas of my life are affected by my trauma!  To be honest it’s a little shocking how much it does affect me without me always realising the link. I have definitely closed off entire parts of myself due to it and I down play both my achievements but also negative experiences. I tell people it’s no big deal that XYZ happened to me, when inside I’m screaming for help.

I’m not going to ruin everyone’s weekend by saying much more, but I wanted to see how I felt opening up a little about trauma!

Side note before anyone suggests it…I had symptoms of ADHD way before my trauma, and I genuinely believe the eternal loneliness I feel due to my ADHD was a contributing factor as to why I ended up in a situation that resulted in my being traumatised!