Friendships are an essential part of life, offering connection, support, and joy. But when you have ADHD, maintaining friendships can sometimes feel like an uphill battle. From forgetting to reply to messages to experiencing intense rejection sensitivity, social relationships can become overwhelming. If you’ve ever felt like you’re a ‘bad friend’ or struggled to balance social energy, you’re not alone.

Personally, I have perhaps the less common side of ADHD and friendship in which I have that much anxiety that I rarely forget to reply to messages. Instead I just have a double dose of rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Make that a triple dose. I overcommit and cause myself to burnout. I spend hour replaying interactions thinking people hate me. And I forget my friends exist most the time. Friendship is hard enough without throwing ADHD into the mix!

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria & Friendships

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is a common symptom of ADHD, it causes an intense emotional response to perceived or actual rejection, often making social interactions feel like high-stakes situations.

For me, it can be triggered by just about anything, but especially friendships. A slightly delayed text response or a friend’s distracted tone can cause me to spiral into self-doubt and anxiety. I have one friend in particular who has seen the worst side of this in me. To the extent that I do often wonder why they would even still consider speaking to me, and yet they are still there for me EVERY SINGLE TIME I need them.

I over-analyse everything, all the time, and this extends to friendships. If someone does not respond to me I assume the worst, and honestly it potentially have created issues and ruined friendships. This has led me to me almost avoiding friendships as to avoid potential rejection.

I have a fair few friends, who quite honestly, suck at communication, and this massively triggers my RSD. It means I spend a lot of time feeling like my friends hate me and do not want to spend time with me. Which creates a loneliness I struggle to explain. Many of these friends have their reasons, but what they sometimes do not realise is the extent of the impact that has had on me over the year. It isn’t their fault I feel that way, but I do also think that sometimes people need to be more aware of the impact of their actions.

Obviously I cannot blame it all on RSD, I am a needy friend, I am fully aware of that. However, when it does come to RSD, recognising when this happens is the first step in managing it. I am not perfect, and it still affects me on a daily basis, I just have to remind myself when these feelings arise, that feelings aren’t facts. It’s okay to check in with friends instead of assuming the worst.

ADHD & Inconsistent Socialising

I do not tend to suffer too much with forgetting to reply to messages this is a huge issue for many with ADHD – many of whom I swear are my friends! What I do tend to suffer from is that I will essentially forget about their existence if I am not speaking to them in that moment. My partner will ask me how a friend is, and I will literally have no idea. It is not that I don’t like my friends, it is just that I am focusing on other things and so they are not at the forefront of my mind.

Sometimes I feel really guilty about how I socialise, other times I have the opinion that people haven’t contacted me so I cannot be held entirely responsible for the inconsistency.

Managing Social situations and Burnout

ADHDers often have two social modes: ‘all in’ and ‘totally drained’. You might thrive in social settings one day, only to feel completely exhausted the next. Social burnout is real, and it’s crucial to recognise when you need to recharge.

Something a lot of people do not know about me is that I actually love socialising. The reason a lot of people do not know that about me is because I come across as if I hate social interactions. The thing is, with one or two people I can completely unmask and I just feel entirely like myself. But in most situations, I love the idea of socialising, but once I am there it is all too much for me.

I then experience the worst burn out imaginable and the idea of socialising is just too much. But still I will overcommit and force myself to socialise instead of just saying no.

Instead of disappearing without explanation, try setting gentle boundaries. A simple message like, “Hey, I need a quiet day to recharge, but I love spending time with you!” helps maintain friendships without pressure. Prioritising friendships that respect your need for rest will make socialising feel less exhausting in the long run.

Practical Strategies for Strengthening Friendships

Instead of just complaining and moaning about the way I am here are some ideas that can help those with ADHD figure out the whole friendship thing!

Use reminders: Set phone alerts for checking in with friends or sending messages. Even a simple “Thinking of you!” can go a long way.

Be honest about ADHD: Explaining your social patterns helps friends understand that your forgetfulness isn’t personal.

Reframe your inner dialogue: Instead of thinking, I’m a bad friend for forgetting to reply, try I’m a caring friend who sometimes struggles with communication.

Find ADHD-friendly friendships: Surround yourself with people who understand your quirks and appreciate you as you are.

How do you manage friendships with ADHD? Let’s chat in the comments!